Log in

Last Words To College.

Big Mistake.

You accepted and passed the wrong guy.

I walked into college angsty and abrasive from the get-go. I didn't know exactly what pissed me off about the world besides the fuckery that comes with social interaction.

I had no vices besides my own mindless sexual appetite...and aren't we all just a little bit pathetic like that. Maybe I'm even more pathetic. I don't care.

College opened the doors for a lot of learning.

I learned what's behind mindless social interactions.
I learned the mindlessness of standardized education.
I learned how to get mindlessly drunk.
I learned how to mindfully smoke.
I learned how to meditate.
I learned the ire of true friends.
I learned who the real "enemies" are.
I learned extreme poverty and the fleeting nature of money.
I learned to detest money and the way it looks on human skin.
I learned about social hierarchies.

Most of those things are just products of the situation that the participation in such a souless institution will create. Good and Bad.

But what did I learn from the institution itself? When you strip away the students, the professors, the University Pigs, what did I learn from the structure itself?

Well...I learned that my anger was well founded.

Thanks for the friendships I found while I attended you but that's my doing, not yours.
Thanks for the tough skin I grew in the face of hardships but that was my doing and my friend's support...not yours.
Thanks for the inspiration for writing and music but that was my perturbed mind speculating, so I'm not even going to give you that.

College, you should be ashamed of yourself.

You are barely even the shadow of what you started as. I'm sure if the ancient world scholars could look at you now with your corporate ties and ideals of progress (which rarely, if ever, involve intellectual forward movement of any sort but rather ways to re-word the same stagnant discourse) they would be disappointed.

So let's cut to the chase.

I'm sick of seeing my friends become a nervous wreck in front of cold eyes in the midst of lecture halls because of the power they believe you have.
I'm tired of seeing dead eyes staring at the computer screen for hours trying to get teachers off with words so they can make the grade.
I'm tired of the false hopes you ingrain in teens fresh out of high school, only to hit them with the harsh reality that college is taking away from them some of their most vital years in the confines of a desk.
I'm tired of people feeling the need to drink profusely to try and escape you for a couple of hours, harming their bodies to feel free of you.
Finally, I'm tired of seeing the people who get through your programs, get a great job, work like hell and when they are finally free and ready to enjoy the fruits of life...they are too old to do half the things they wish they could.

Now...I've felt, for the past 5 years of this, as if I've had a gun to my head and if I did anything but comply, the gun would go off and I'd be in the shit. Now, I've got a degree and I'm in the shit.

That's not good.

I'd say that's down right bad for you, college.

I've got a pen and a pad, and I've got music. In my opinion, that's a sawed off shotgun. It's dirty, it's invalidated by your standards and it is directly associated with the "scum", the lowest of the low...let's called it the lumpen.


Now it's your turn to try and dodge me.

Good Luck.


Stretching (Practicing Tensions.)


A big part of stretching is knowing where we hold tension. There are countless areas where we hold tension but do not see or know them or even hear their own screaming messages to be relieved because they are tensions that are conditioned.

For example, there is usually tension in most people's necks. Your back pack holds you out of comfortable posture, your back slumps into the lush office seats in front of your computer, You pick up and put down objects of contemplative weight without the support of your firm bases naturally supplied by the body.

To know exactly where all these tensions are, I would argue that hours of study and experimentation would be necessary. Who has time? What the hell is time? Weathering, yes. Time, no...

Relaxed mind is the key to relaxed body, eased tension. Stretch with everything you have. An arm stretch becomes an arm/neck/shoulders/hips/quadriceps/ankle/toes stretch in yielding the body. Don't force the direction, yield and feel it. When you toss a pebble in the middle of a still body of water, the rock sinks yet the surface catches every dimension of the rock's passing and ripples outward with all things effected, leaving nothing surrounding untouched.

When you have a moment to do so, yield all so nothing is undone. Flow with the day and not against it. There is a better battle in fighting the inner conflicts until the soul knows of it's potential than the battle of who will be on top, ruling, in a position to bestow tensions rather than relieve them. In yielding, tension is gone; an unnatural tension is a weak point. Our system is built on us; inorganic. Under our cooperation to provide it's support, the only harms it can inflict on us are the harms we enabled it to create. This system has no personalized death knell, or natural disaster, or fatal accidents written in...Only unnatural weapons which we allowed it to have. We have created our own destruction if we let our unstable system constantly win cold-hearted blows on us by means of lending it a whole new pressure point map that teaches a whole new attacking system. So where it would be natural to writhe in pain from a jab to the head, our creation would rather oppressively rule and drain wealth until the extremely poor feel a push, backed into such a corner that they feel the need to jab you in the head in a dark alley so they can take your hard earned money and temporarily numb the unnatural tension of their surroundings, never really facing the tension head to head, looking for it's true origins.

I guess what I'm saying is, you know your own tension. If you're reading this, you've had years to know what tension feels like. Naturally it is simply muscular tension. Unnaturally, it is social, economical and political tensions. You know the pressure points of the unnatural system because it is our grand inorganic creation/attraction, so you know how to escape an unnatural hold or unnatural strike...unnatural tension. When you give the unnatural no dominion over your natural being, I believe you would, in the Western saying, "always have another bullet in the chamber". So let's forget the reach for the supernatural amongst the unnatural system. Bills bills bills, money money money...unnatural and you know it, and you know how to fight to minimize their damage.

Is that the real you, in a job interview in a suit and tie, with the constantly optimistic demeanor and sheltered outlook?

You are clever enough to manipulate it.

Don't you need moments in "time" to relax and simply be yourself without any external pressures? Aren't we ever-changing?

Hair lengthens, muscles react to stimuli, immune system strengthens and weakens; you are happy - now sad, you are healthy and then sick, in love and then not in love.

We adapt; the inorganic system that levies unnatural tensions by way of the unfortunate human's imposition, is forced to adapt to the very problems we teach it to give rise to. We gave it the tools to attack the opposition but fixed it with rules that eventually, through the "newest update" or "upgrade", invalidate even ourselves.

Focus on your own complex being and in time, I believe you realize just how "supernatural" natural really is.

I propose that human is way stronger than we believe. Human is gigantic and no human deserves to be forced into tight spaces and holes in the earth, poorly treated and dehumanized in general because human may possibly be more god-like than "God-like" and the true nature of a supreme being may be in turn, way more unfathomable. At least larger than our own inorganic story tales of flighty fairy like life forms that magically live amongst us...only in history books or religious texts (No offense intended in the exploration of my own beliefs).

But first, stretch your neck by touching your chin to your chest and exhale deeply, letting the body bend with the stretch...

No more discussions.

All those years I convinced myself that I was worthless
And then...I spend the last couple of years telling myself that I have worth,
That I have something to be proud of within me;
And it turns out that all of this compassion means nothing to anyone.

I have just as much worth to everyone as a toilet. You don't need a toilet but it is convenient, isn't it?

Turning the other cheek has endured for seasons and seasons and seasons. Too long. Now it's your turn to turn the other fucking cheek, or kiss the earth.

Palsy Lust?

What a peculiar thing lust is...

Right now I'm experiencing it and I must say that I can compare it to very little.

You know the feeling.

First, there is usually some experience in the mind from the past...

Don't you too remember how kissed you passionately and MUST HAVE acknowledged how your legs inched and squirmed with that bold figure between them.

She lays a hot hand on you and breathes in your panting when she begins to stroke...and wasn't it hard not to disrobe and expose yourself from under your favorite boxers?

How warm and cloudy that all is. How shaded by mists and blurring colors...

Maybe that is of little concern to you...maybe you are not so easily tied.

Were you drunk? We all our in that state but I guess I posed the question with a primary objective...but were you frenzied or dumb with anticipation when you first entered her?

Her...her womanhood...sitting high above you and those warm folds giving off maternal warmth before they can even embrace you...

Maybe she fit on to you slowly and worked her away down till you were hip to hip or maybe she came down on your heart, shockingly, like a surprise blow to the chest...

The swelling of energy...The movement...The Biological signals...Things are blurrier and your losing your bearings completely.

That Blinding end moment...that is what you enjoy? What you remember?

The feelings that come with it and the feeling that is it?

Don't look at me for a word of chastisement. I'm not that man.

I like it too. Most people do. The funny thing is, that feeling can lead you to a rocky shore that will bleed you or a comfortable love that will compliment AND tame you.

So...I guess it's funny to know what you do with that feeling.

What you would do, despite the situation, to re-live that feeling.

What will you do?

It's a hard test for man. I know.

But what will you choose? How bad do you want it? And even when you want it real bad, how bad is bad enough to throw away caution.

I'd love to feel it again but what will I do when the picture is back in focus?

Maybe it's better to ask now when there is no present situation...plan for the rarely planned...


I'm sorry.

You look like the strangest glimmer.

I caught a glimpse of the open globe.

And I've been waiting so long for this moment
To wear a shade you could lose track of.

I wanna know your eyes transformed
And "human" lost it's form.

Analyze me.

I signed my name to the obituary
And walk amongst you breathing water.

I don't care about your consequences.

And I don't remember what's important in this world.
How she kill the whole bottle and the blunt?
She got a kid baking in the oven, son
Villainous Bad Bolshevik on the mic again
Don't reach for the cord, this nigga's known for bitin' men
Enlightening yet rippin' apart the bowels of hell
All bitches approach the stage - prepare to all fail
Deliver cuts in the comfort of ya home like you got mail
Open up! Dead niggas on pale.
Pass me the dutch and a Kidney Stone
So I can get crusty dusty musty on the microphone
And naw
I'm afraid my style is all alone
Even though I suck, I can still never be cloned
And never really be owned
Not like a nigga slave
Those who even try it get rushed off to the enclave
Silly naive
Can't you hear them niggas rave?
It's locked!
Around the clock.
With no glock
I don't even need my cock
I was born steady with natural headies up in my lunch box
Ain't no malice here
But Tits could tear
Cuz we're all outta beer
Knee caps could buckle with the fear...

-Laddies with Tatties and fatties sippin' ice natties.

Car Bomb Rally (Where's your heart?)

Please don't touch the mic or innocents could die tonight
In a fire fight for the mic, kissed with dynamite
Musta been me last
Smells like passed off gas
Clutch the mask
Watch these niggas choke, passing out fast
Armed with one arm and one mic no cord
Maybe a sword
Cutting off heads, the dead's only reward
Spitting off powers by the hours, blast ya nuts off
Scaring the shit outta niggas, a million bowels go soft
Nah, I don't think I'm nice
I'm barely worth a grain of rice
But I got a dirty fetish for being ice
I-C-E cold and old as crusty undies
Put your hands up, all my fellow Ted Bundys
Let the dead remain dead
Let the poor as shit be fed
And take heads to comfort their lonely death beds
C4 vests and parachutes, we're jumping off towers
Watch me go up in flames, do you think I wowed her?
It's all shit
Fuck a titty fit prissy chick
Barely got brains besides what gives lick between her hips
Dirty ass tricks, should have known it when I met you
I'll make you feel it hard in your local gritty venue.

-The Dead Speak.

A note.

I can't write about it anymore.

It's gone beyond that. So far beyond that.

I don't know what's going to become of me in the next couple of years and beyond that.

Everything is shaky...

I've got a great band (El Ka Bong) that is already making some intense moves. We're on the brink of lining up shows all over New York State, Long Island, maybe even California. It's intense. Who knows what is going to happen but we are aiming big because since the beginning we've been pressing towards being able to express ourselves to the world and take as many of our friends as we can with us. I love it. We are more than a band in some ways. I mean, we have been friends for so long that the line between friends and fellow musician is completely blurred and it makes for this bond that is honestly one of the few things that can bring me to tears because of how hopeful it all is. We've got a fight on our hands. A tough one. But what have we got to lose? We're all just about as beat up as we can be and now we are like animals, fighting for our chance to make a living doing what we love, not out of a desire for money or fame (speaking personally, I hate seeing my ugly mug on anything)but out of that animal desire to simply survive. Honestly, if I can't make it in this world playing music, I'm not really going to make it. I'm too in tune with the love of my life (music) for me to do something else and pretend it's going to work and I know the guys feel the same way too. I love you guys.

Ghosts Among Us.

In roughly 2 and a half weeks...I'm going to make the fight unfair.

Very unfair.

Meet Archaic.